The Life I Imagined

Elizabeth = Bad Blogger

2009-04-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a really *really* long time. I don't have a good excuse. I just didn't have anything noteworthy to say!

Life here is great, we're embarking on a new journey soon - possibly becoming home (instead of condo) owners!

I still love my job. I adore my husband. I can't wait for babies.

That sums up my life in a nutshell :)

A New Day

2009-01-24T19:21:00.000-08:00

Last week was a profound week in American history - we inaugurated an African American President. There were so many things that ran through my mind while watching him be sworn into the highest office in our great nation. First, I'm so proud of over 50% of us (or more) that decided that race wasn't an issue. Sure, a few people probably voted for him because of his race, but the number of people who didn't consider it a factor is amazing to me. No - this doesn't end racism. No - this doesn't fix all of our problems. No - this doesn't magically solve the economic crisis. Yes - this means we're ready to take steps to change. Yes - this means we see that the worth this man is more than the color of his skin.

I believe in President Obama. Such a simple statement that says so much. Sure, he's only been president for a week, but in that week so many Americans have rediscovered there love for this country. Maybe in the coming years we won't have to say we're Canadian when we travel abroad:) (haha, or if you're me, Australian - and no, I can't do the accent, but I sure did think I could!!). But what he has that is different from the previous administration, from what I can see, is a grasp of the big picture. He gets the gravity of our current place in the world, our economy, and our general hopelessness. That's a great place to start.

Most of you don't know this but I used to dream about being Secretary of State. Honestly. I did. When Bush was in office, I abandoned that dream. I didn't want to be a part of an administration that was so obviously unaware of what America wanted and needed. But now, I wonder if maybe I don't still want what I used to dream about. Now that I'm proud of our President.

I work for the government and I am SO incredibly proud of the job I do every day. I love who I work for. No, not my boss, but the group of people I serve. I am so proud to give back to people who have given so much to our country. With the new administration, my dream of being a bigger part of the government has been renewed and I wonder if I can't make this job into something more. I always knew I wanted this to be a career, but now I have hope that maybe I can advance to a place where I can make policy and make change. In the words of our great leader, yes we can. Yes I can.

30 Day Shred - Day 25

2009-01-24T19:10:00.000-08:00

While I can't say that I'm "shredded," I can say that I'm leaner, meaner, and stronger than I have been in years. (well, not leaner than I was at my wedding, but you can't re-create that kind of stress...). The 30 Day Shred has lived up to its name. In 25 days of doing it every day except two, I can honestly say that I'm stronger than I've ever been and that is saying a lot given that I've been working out 5 days a week (strength and cardio) for at least the last 6 years consistently.

What about this workout is different you might ask? And moreover, you might wonder how it works being only 28 minutes long start to finish? Well first, I didn't *just* workout 28 minutes a day. I cut my calories to 1200 - 1500 a day (not as hard as it seems), and on at least 3 days a week I did 45 minutes of kickboxing in addition to the 28 minutes of shred. But having said that, this workout is different. It combines strength and cardio in a way that forces your body to change. It keeps you moving for 28 minutes straight. I still do Level 1 on occasion and it still kicks my arse. Jillian Michales is my hero. I'd LOVE to have her train me for one day - just to see if I could handle it. I'm sure I could, but I can't guarantee that I wouldn't, puke, cry, or both!

I am really proud of myself! I have some pretty exciting things that I want to do this year and being fit is goal number one. Lets hope I keep it up!

30 Day Shred - Day 7

2009-01-04T16:33:00.000-08:00

I am seven days into the 30 day shred and so far so good. I have done at least one of the programs every day (except Friday, no time!) for seven days. I did double programs on three of those days. Given how hard the workouts are, I'm not surprised that I'm already seeing results. I can also tell that I'm getting stronger because I don't want to cry at the end anymore! Haha, you think I'm kidding, but after the first workout I almost did want to cry - its been a long time since I pushed myself that hard at the gym! I guess that should tell me something, its not worth going to the gym if I'm not working hard. Otherwise its a waste of an hour. So this video has provided me with a much needed kick in the arse. Jillian Michaels is my new personal hero, and kind of like a virtual personal trainer!

Now it's time to clean up that diet. I'm going to try to cut carbs out completely, but we'll see how that goes. All in all, I've had great success over the last week. I just need to keep it up!

New Year, New Me?

2009-01-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

2008 was quite a year full of many challenges, and equally as many joys. I can't believe how fast the year went - I know we always say that but quite literally I feel like it was last January about a month ago. Where did the year go? Let me recap: last year I began my recovery from a nasty auto-immune disease flare up (a slow process that still isn't quite complete); quit a job that was, to say the least, not the right job for me (I think I've covered that topic sufficiently in previous posts:)); took time off to heal; found a job that truly fulfills me and continued to grow in my new career; battled unexpected health crises that taught me that with my condition its imperative that I listen to myself and slow down; we undertook a major remodel (finally!) and are living in a dream condo; and my husband and I have taken all these experiences and have really grown in our marriage. Phew, no wonder I feel like it flew by - it was a very full year!

A friend asked what my four wishes were for 2009 the other day, they are pretty simple, but I'm going to officially put them into the universe for its consideration.

1. To continue to regain my full health, which includes respecting when my body tells me to slow down (and yes, that also means that I should listen to my doctors more:)).

2. For our little family to have a new addition, when the time is right. In the same vein, to be able to have a healthy pregnancy and baby without any complications (Crohn's related or other).

3. To spend more time with my dear friends and my family. I wish that they all have a healthy 2009 and that the new year brings them joy.

4. To be kinder to myself and to be kinder to those around me, even when I'm cranky. This is not always easy for me: I can be very hard on myself and when I am tired, cranky, stressed out, I often take it out on those closest to me. I consider this my greatest fault and hope that I can make an effort to change it this year.

So there it is, my wishes/resolutions/hopes/whatever you'd like to call them....

I hope that 2009 brings all of you every wonderful moment that you wish for!

30 Day Shred - Day 1

2008-12-28T16:26:00.001-08:00

In my never-ending quest for a new workout routine I asked for Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred for Christmas. My wonderful friend got it for me and today was day 1. I was going to do all three sections today just to see how they workouts were but Level 1 was so challenging that I called it good right there!

The plan is 3 minutes of strength, 2 minute of cardio, and 1 minute of abs repeated 3 times. Not only is it very efficient it was also really engaging. I usually work out for an hour, and after 30 minutes I was seriously spent, but I didn't feel bored at all! So, after day 1 I am a fan of the workout and excited to get to day 2!!

2008-12-18T15:06:00.000-08:00

I stole this from my dear Michelle, who took it from the darling Lisa....I thought it was fun so I put it here too! I've done more than I realized!

Top 100 things one should do in their life, ones I have done are bolded:

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/World
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris (why just Paris? I've been plenty of other places....)
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (does a triathlon count?)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (I was too cheap to pay for one, but I have been to Venice)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language (I really tried, but have not retained much of the italian i tried to learn)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing (does a climbing wall count?)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in
55. Been in a movie (only as an extra for a major motion picture, and in classmates films in college)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (I assume a lemonade stand counts...)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (i fainted when they pricked my finger to blood type me, they asked me not to donate! :))
65. Gone sky diving (Uh, never)
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (probably one of the most heart wrenching experience of my life)
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job (I wouldn't' call it that, but some might)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit (This one may be a yes in a few months thanks to the car accident)
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

Winter Wonderland

2008-12-18T14:56:00.000-08:00

Let it snow,
Let it snow,

Let it snow!!!!

In 4 years of living near downtown Seattle, I have never seen this much snow here! We usually are too close to the water for the weather to get cold enough, but today the weather gods have doused us with a heaping helping of snow!

Unfortunately, the Government didn't see the need to make it a snow day so I had to drive down to Auburn at 6am this morning. Once the snow started to come down in Auburn, I decided to turn around and head back up to Seattle to find that our little area is blanketed in fluffy snow!

Brrrr...I hope everyone is staying safe and warm!

Vroom, Vroom, CRASH!

2008-12-12T20:46:00.000-08:00

Picture this: an unassuming Prius sitting legally at a red light, not inching forward, not moving, not doing anything. Across the intersection comes a BMW blazing through a very red light. The renegade BMW slams into a car who is traveling forward on the green light, ricochets kitty corner and comes smashing into, you guessed it, the unassuming Prius that is not moving. Stupid BMW driving idiot....

Updates....

2008-12-12T20:38:00.000-08:00

I have been awful at keeping up with this blog, and its such a good place to get thoughts, feelings, and keep my wonderful friends up to date with life. So I'm sorry :( Here are a few of the finished photos from the remodel that I have been meaning to share:

We couldn't be happier with the results!

Finished!

2008-11-30T21:01:00.000-08:00

After what has amounted to over 3 months of hemming and hawing, then packing and waiting, our remodel is done! We moved back in last weekend and have been spending time figuring out what goes where and adjusting our lives to respect how nice our home is now. I had to go buy slippers because we're now all shoes off on our nice hardwood floor:)

It was a smooth, easy process thanks to our contractors who were worth their weight in gold.

I'd love to post pictures but apparently my new computer doesn't want to make that easy for me.....boo.

When I get the whole picture thing figured out, I'll get them posted.

Drugs + Pregnancy = Too Many Doctors...

2008-11-09T20:48:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not pregnant yet...but Matt and I are getting closer and closer to starting a family (or attempting to) and to that end we went to see a high risk OB last week at the UW. I really liked her and she and I saw eye to eye on many things regarding Crohn's and pregnancy. She would prefer that I not be on the immunosuppressnats while I'm pregnant. Well, yeah. Me too.

On the other hand, my GI won't hear of me going off the drugs and moreover he doesn't want me to take any kind of a break from them because apparently it makes the efficacy of the drugs questionable when you restart them.

So I have one doctor (and me) who wants me to go off the drugs for at minimum three months during the first trimester while the baby's vital organs are developing and another doctor who doesn't want me to do that. I have to somehow come up with a middle ground where both my doctor and the doctor devoted to caring for my future pregnancy agree. I have faith, but somehow I think its going to be a tough road.

The silver lining? Both doctors are at the same hospital so she is going to call my GI and they are going to discuss and get back to me, which makes my job pretty easy:)

Wish us luck finding the place where I am healthy and baby isn't jeopardized....

Remodeling, remodeling, here we go!

2008-11-09T20:44:00.001-08:00

We are in the midst of the remodel and I am exicted to report that all is going swimmingly! We have been so happy with our contractors every step of the way and the process has been so smooth. Not to mention that for as much as I've second guessed every single decision, we couldn't be happier with the design as its taking shape. I hope that we'll be home in a week or week and a half. I'll post pictures when we get all settled back in.

We've been living with my mom and as much as I can hear the collective groan of the thought of living with one's mother, I have had a great time. I love my mom and we've all been so busy that we've only gotten to eat dinner together five or six times in three weeks. She's a saint to let us basically have the run of her house during this process.

So, all in all there has been a ton going on, but all of it has been good and exciting!!

Kids say the darndest things

2008-10-15T21:34:00.000-07:00

Here is the reason why being an auntie rocks: you can teach the kids to say the funniest things but not have to be embarassed when they repeat them in public:) Here is evidence of my wicked sense of humor and my adorable nephew, Max. It all started with him innocently saying that he had a baby. His aunite took it one step further, much to the delight of everyone else in the car:

Those Crazy Kids!

2008-10-15T21:18:00.001-07:00

I had the pleasure of spending last weekend with my adorable niece and nephew in California. We had a blast just playing around the house and in the neighborhood. Here are a few pictures of our trip:

Max and Gillian playing mini golf

Uncle Matty and Gillian

Grandpa and the kids

Max and Gillian on the hay ride!

California Dreaming

2008-10-11T10:39:00.000-07:00

Matt and I are down in Cali for the weekend visiting my sister and her kids. When he asked me a few months ago what I wanted for my birthday the only thing I wanted was to come down here to visit the kids. I haven't seen them since they moved back down here in the spring and 8 months is too long! We're having an awesome time. On the agenda for today: put put golf! Yay! I'll post pictures of all the fun when we get home:)

Looks who's back into blogging?

2008-10-03T13:27:00.001-07:00

Yup, its this girl! And apparently I've gone photo happy....I hope you're enjoying!

Remodeling, part 2

2008-10-03T13:06:00.001-07:00

Its a slow day at work so I decided to share some of our design styles for our remodel. (any interior designers *ahem sassy* can feel free to make suggestions/comments with our choices as we haven't purchased anything yet)

Kitchen

Here are the cabinets. We like the clean line of the boarder and the brightness of the cherry wood. Our kitchen will have a similar look to this picture only with darker granite (see below) and lighter maple floors. We'll do stainless steel appliances/fixtures like this picture though.

Here is the granite. It is a little darker (more brown) in the picture than it appears in real life. Based on this picture its not my favorite, but I LOVE the sample we have at home so here is to hoping it looks ok!

Flooring

This is the hardwood floor we are putting in. Our condo is only 750 square feet so one of my main concerns is not wanting it to be too dark. We like the cherry wood, but its not super light, and the granite is even darker, so to balance it out we are going with very light floors. I hope what that will achieve is drawing the eye up to the cabinets and countertop and making the rooms feel a bit less confined.

Bathroom

We are using both colors of porcelain tile shown in this picture, the lighter for the floor and the main color on the tub surround and then the darker as an eye level mosaic boarder. The lighter is called Roma Sabbia and the darker is Roma Noce.

We are going to put in a vanity that matches the kitchen cabinets with the same Tropical Brown granite. Some might say that matchy matchy isn't the way to go but our kitchen and bathroom are directly opposite (see pictures in post below) and only separated by a narrow hallway so we figured that they should look like they belong together. We toyed with going with a dark cherry vanity and light granite to compliment the kitchen but were afraid that we were not experienced enough in the ways of interior design to make that work really well, so we went matchy matchy...

Now you have an idea of what we're thinking, let's see in two months if it all comes to fruition the way I hope it will!

Remodeling

2008-10-01T19:48:00.000-07:00

We are remodeling our condo. That looks like such a small sentence but it has such huge implications. By October 20th I have to basically move us out of our house. No small task, even though we live in 750 square feet. We have *SO* much stuff!

I am really excited about the remodel though. We are putting in hardwood floors and ripping out basically the entire kitchen and bathroom. We're putting in cherry cabinets and granite called tropical brown in the kitchen and the bathroom, and really light porcelain tile for the floor and surround in the bathroom.

I will take before and after pictures just so we can see what a big difference it makes side by side. Here are a few of what we have now:

Our kitchen

The bathroom

In two months it'll be totally different!

Why my friends rock:

2008-10-01T19:37:00.000-07:00

I have an *awesome* group of friends. I think I've already said as much, but I wanted to say it again. I love them! These are friends who plan a theme party and everyone goes for it with gusto, the party always lasts well into the night, and whatever happens is good!

Here are some pictures from our last party, a murder mystery set in the Miss America pageant. Sadly, I ended up being the killer, but it was super fun!

Jen, Michelle and I striking a pose:

Me in my pretty pretty party dress. Someone compared it to Glenda the good witch only in blue. Pretty close! Now, I ask you, does this look like someone who would kill to win a beauty pageant?

When I found out that I was the killer I tried to turn everyone against Miss New York (hey her father was a mob boss!) but a couple of the girls figured me out! Here is Michelle telling Tami all about Miss New York

Here is my glamour shot:) I loved that my dress could fan around me in a complete circle...it would have been so poofy with a crinoline under it! Next time...

There are just a few of the pictures. It was a great night! I loved that everyone really got into the theme of hideous 80's party dresses:) Now I can't wait for our next party. Halloween is just around the corner!

A little belated, but...

2008-09-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from our trip to Maryland in August:

This was the house we stayed in. It was so gorgeous! Each bedroom was a full suite with impecable furnishings and a beautiful bathroom. It was amazing!
Here is the view from the top balcony in the morning. The fog rolled in every day and made for some pretty nice pictures:)

Matt and I on a hike by a waterfall. I don't remember the name of the trail, but it was pretty!

Yes, that is me. Yes that is a go kart. Yes, that is me in a go kart. Go figure.

We were so close to the PA boarder that we drove the hour over to see Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Water. The house is beautiful, and the architecture and design are something to behold. However, it wasn't really my taste...good thing I don't have to live there!

Am I the Only One?

2008-09-30T18:54:00.000-07:00

I think I might be the only person who, at nearly 28, still feels too young to have kids...As the time draws near to actually start trying to conceive I am plagued with thoughts that I am too immature, too childish, too selfish to have a child. I know that my life would only benefit from a child (or children), and how much I want, and have always wanted, to be a mom - but the thought is still there. And won't go away. What if I suck at being a mom? I hardly have this grown up thing down, and I'm still working on being a wife, even after two plus years. I still think of myself as an awkward 15 year old, hardly someone who is capable of being a mom. But, no, I'm actually 28. And actually a grown up. Imagine that. When did I become someone that is ready to be someone's mom?

But maybe that is all that life is, a constant process of learning, and growing. I finally have a job that makes me happy (still does, every day!!), a feeling of being grounded in my marriage, and getting used to being out of school and in the real world for the first time. The next step in the life I imagine is kids. So what is making me so scared? I dunno. Maybe the reality of having another human life totally 100% dependent on you? Yup, that's pretty much it in a nutshell. There are so many "what ifs" to consider. I guess the only what if that really matters is the pregnancy what if. Maybe I just need to see if I can get pregnant and then take it from there. One step at a time.

I know this post didn't make any sense, but I needed to get it out....so there you have it.

Let's Get Physical

2008-09-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

I am back on the wagon! After recovering from surgery in July with a wound that has taken (and is taking) forever to heal, I finally decided that I needed to get back to my life, and that included taking better care of myself. I got back on sparkpeople.com to track my calories and workouts and it surprised me how many extra calories I was eating every day. Truly thoughtless calories. It was so hard those first few days to keep my food under 1600 calories (and truly I want them closer to 1400 a day), but its getting easier. I am remembering the foods that fill me up but don't eat up a ton of calories. Its nice to have a sense of my calorie intake as the day goes on, that way I know where I stand when I get home. Today I have a ton of calories left so I could have an after work snack after my workout:)

The workouts have been tough going too. I have been really good about getting a workout at least three days a week, and even as many as 6 a couple of weeks! I just need to keep it up so that I don't start from the beginning every time I lift weights!

Part of dealing with Crohn's is feeling like my body hasn't been mine for a while. I think getting back to working out will really help me feel strong and like I am in control (as much as I can be) of my body. So far so good:) I need to understand my limitations, but know that I need to keep pushing myself to break beyond what is comfortable now.

Wish me luck!

Let's Get Political

2008-09-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

I realized something the other day, and its kind of sad. I am so vehemently opposed to having another republican in the White House that I am passionate about Obama without even really knowing what he stands for. That is about as sad as political ambivalence. I might as well not even vote! But that is worse, really.

What I do know is that I think McCain isn't a good choice. I think choosing Palin was a cheap and dirty tactic to sway undecided voters who may have supported Clinton. I also think that Palin and even McCain spend more time bashing Obama than telling me what they stand for. But to tell you the truth, I have no idea what that is either...at least I'm equal opportunity in my ignorance!

I like that Obama is younger, a different perspective, and a fresh view on the world. That to me is more important than a ton of experience. I'm pretty sure that no one really knows how to be president before they get into office anyway. So what he lacks in experience he makes up for in new ideas. I just don't know what those ideas are...

So there you have it. One lawyer who is supposed to not only care about politics but know about the way our government works, two candidates, and no intelligent thoughts in between.

I have a civic obligation not only to vote, but to really understand what my chosen candidate stands for. Me thinks I have a lot of catching up to do to make sure Obama is really the candidate I feel would be best for our country. Here is to spending the next 6 weeks paying attention to the issues, not just the party of the candidates!

Welcoming Fall

2008-09-11T20:04:00.001-07:00

I may be the only person in the northwest who is looking forward to cooler weather. I know I'm crazy, but I am longing for cool mornings, warm sweaters, hot tea, and snuggling on the couch. This summer has been so weird, that most northwesterners feel as though we were cheated out of a summer, but as the forcast predicts 80 degree weather on September 12th, I wonder how much longer its going to last....Ok, maybe I just want a reason to go shopping for some new clothes!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2008-08-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

I don't care what anyone says, you are never too old to have a slumber party. Some of my dear friends and I did just that last night. Its become a yearly tradition and it never fails to be one of the highlights of the summer. A rundown of the fun times: we watched Grease 2 and Sixeen Candles, played with a magic 8 ball, hit a pinata that was filled with some fun toys, and, the benefit of being adults, we did jello shots:)

One of the other reasons we were getting together was to say goodbye to one of our friends who is taking off on the adventure of a lifetime. She decided a few months ago after a vacation to Hawaii that she wanted to live there. Great, so would a lot of people, but she actually made it happen! She has always been an inspiration to me just by being herself, but the decision to uproot her entire life to take a job in Hawaii is pretty amazing. So part of our fiesta was in her honor and she will be missed!

Here is to good friends, being silly, cheesy 80's movies, and jello shots! With that, I'm going to go take a nap! I'm too old for such a late night:):)

Family Reunion (sans pictures)

2008-08-18T08:32:00.001-07:00

We spent a week in Deep Creek Lake, Maryland with Matt's family a couple of weeks ago, and let me tell you it was fantastic!! The lake is three hours or so west of Baltimore and it is a total resort community. There were so many things to do there that Matt and I decided to extend our vacation by three days. We were initially supposed to come home on Thursday but stayed all the way through till Saturday. When you consider that this was with his entire family, that is saying a lot:)

We rented this gorgeous 6000 square foot home about 5 minutes drive from the lake, but with a fantastic view. The house had just enough rooms for all of us, and they were all suites so everyone had their own bathrooms....thank goodness for that! Our room was on the top floor so the window out of our bathroom had the most expansive scene, it was so relaxing to have that view while taking a shower every morning! A girl could get used to that.

Matt's family is notorious for needing an activity planned at all times, so there was no shortage of things to do. We went hiking, swimming, kayaking, go kart racing (I lost, surprise surprise), rode a mountain coaster, and ate a ton! I was impressed with myself for joining in on the go kart racing, but after I got over the fear it was really fun! I was much better at it the second time we went. We also went horseback riding! I'm not sure any of you know this but I used to ride competitively as a child and this was the first time I'd been on a horse in probably 10 years. It was awesome - although I'm not quite as bendy as I used to be and my hips hurt after an hour on the trails....although it was a western saddle which is quite a bit more bulky than the English saddles I'm used to...whatever, I'm just not as bendy as I used to be:)

It was a great week, good to spend time with the family. I really lucked out with my in-laws, they pretty much rock!!

I will post some of the pictures later, I just need to make some room on my computer first!

Moving Forward, Not Looking Back

2008-08-18T08:18:00.001-07:00

As anyone with a disease or condition can tell you, the usual pattern is one step forward, two steps back. Some days you get lucky and its two steps forward and only one step back. Regardless, its a dance with constant motion. I've had my steps forward and back lately.

In July I had a little condition that is a normal complication of Crohn's when you don't treat it. I've had similar episodes before and so, as I've done through this entire process (why don't I learn??), I ignored it with the hopes that it would just go away. I willed it to go away on its own. No such luck. I ended up in the emergency room on July 15th and had to be admitted for emergency surgery that night. I would have had to have surgery one way or another, but I could have avoided a day in the ER had I cowboy'd up and gone to the doctor at the first hint of pain. Lesson learned.

Another lesson? If you're planning on going to the ER and its not a life threatening emergency - take a shower!! I didn't, thinking that I was going in at 5am and I'd be out by 10 at the latest. I didn't get to shower until 36 hours later, after surgery. gross. When I went in for a follow up, the surgical intern almost didn't recognize me without greasy hair! :)

Based on the above, I've decided to go on the immunosuppresants to try and keep from having a repeat hospital visit. I'm starting them today and I have such mixed feelings about it. On one hand, if this is what it takes then I'm all for it. On the other hand, I don't love suppressing my immune system. It scares me. And, most of all, since I will be taking this drug for the foreseeable future, I won't be able to breastfeed our children. I know - stupid to be upset about that when I should be grateful just to get pregnant in the first place (if and when that happens), but there is something so amazing about being able to feed your children...I just wanted to have that experience too. Don't worry - if we can and do get pregnant I'll be so excited about that new life that the breastfeeding issue will seem insignificant, I'm sure!

I'll keep you all posted on how the drugs go...wish me luck!

Promises, promises

2008-08-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,
I know I promised you more blog posts, more updates, more stories, more than just dead space of nothingness....that was 18 days ago and so far I've pretty much broken that promise to you. I will spend a little time today making up for that!
Smooches,
Yours Truly

Leavin' on a Jet Plane (again)

2008-08-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here in SeaTac waiting to board my flight to go to Maryland, again. No, its not for work this time, we're going to see Matt's family. It is a much needed and well deserved vacation. I realized that I hadn't updated my blog since the 4th of July which was ages ago. A lot has happened in the month of July, not the least of which was a day in the ER followed by a little emergency surgery (nothing big, and I'm a ok now)!! I really will update with the specifics later, I know I've been bad at keeping up to date.

But for now, I am excited about heading off for a week of relaxation, cut short only by the fact that I didn't have enough vacation time to take a full 5 days so we're heading home on thursday so I can be back at work on Friday. Boo. But, I'll take the four days and be thankful!!

I'll try to take some good pictures of the Maryland wilderness at Deep Creek Lake to post!

Happy 4th of July!

2008-07-04T08:44:00.000-07:00

Yay for a day off of work! Oh, yeah, and happy birthday USA:) I'm not sure why it is, but Seattle can't ever seem to get the 4th right weather-wise. Today is a prime example. We've woken up to overcast skies and the threat of rain. I can see hope on the horizon, so maybe it'll burn off in time to enjoy some outdoor BBQ-ing and firework watching!

I hope everyone has a safe and happy day!

The Times They Are A' Changing

2008-07-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

This blog was created when I was at a serious crossroads in my life: unhappy with my career, serious health problems, unsure of how to be the grown-up I suddenly found myself becoming, including being unsure of how exactly to go about being a wife when I couldn't even get my own shit together. This is where I began.

You might have noticed a serious lack of posts recently. At first I was sure that I just had nothing interesting to say but after some careful consideration I think I know the real reason why. The life I was so desperately imagining for myself when I began this blogging adventure has come to fruition in large part. I now find myself in a job I love, one that I can even see being a career; health that largely stable and well, and with competent medical care; and with a renewed sense of commitment to my family. I am living the life I imagined and it feels pretty darn good.

The bumps along the way taught me so much. I remember in times of great crisis in my life crying to my mom who, in her infinite wisdom, would always tell me that we only grow when we are challenged and challenge comes in times of crisis, so be grateful for your challenges as they will make you grow in ways you never imagined. Although I always believed her, I never understood it until now. Probably because my crises at the time had to do with boy trouble or back-stabbing friends in High School. There's nothing like a complete life crisis to get you to see the light, eh?

The last year or so not only taught me about how strong I am as a person, but about how strong my support system is. Those are two things I might not have realized, at least to such a full extent, without this crisis. I feel really grateful for my dear girlfriends, for my amazing husband, and for a family that is always there when you need them (and even when you just want them). Its pretty spectacular and I hope that I never take it for granted.

So here I am, in awe of what I've accomplished, and so thankful for all my friends and my family for walking me through it. Having said that, since the raison d'etre for this blog has been fulfilled, I guess I better get on some new "imaginings" soon....see post below:)

I gots the fevah!

2008-07-02T19:13:00.000-07:00

I officially am sick. With what you ask? BABY FEVER!! I having a baby has always been something we wanted to do "some day" but lately I have had the fever something fierce! Surprisingly so has my husband. Of course we never have the fever at the same time because when he is sure he is ready, I am not, and when I am sure I am ready he is being nostalgic for his youth and not ready! I figure that the day we are both ready at the same time might be a good day to get serious about procreation...

I happened to mention this little issue of mine to my sister and about a week later I got a package in the mail with ovulation test strips and a copy of the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Apparently she gots the Auntie Fever! It was very nice of her and its good to start understanding my cycles now so that when i want to get pregnant its not at total mystery:)

To top it all off I just got home from meeting a friends new baby and it didn't help because she is perfect! I totally fell in love right away and could have stayed for hours and hours. Darn those cute babies...Oh well, I'm sure that pragmatism will win out soon (we need a house before we have a baby...) but for right now I'm going to acknowledge the fever and enjoy it!

Why Divorce Sucks

2008-06-24T20:54:00.000-07:00

I am involved in a volunteer program where I go on home visits of families who are divorcing to see thier parenting skils. This is a great program but it has its drawbacks. First, who acts like themselves when they're being observed? Second, its awkward to ask people about thier personal lives the first time you meet them. Third, divorce is really really sad, especially when kids are involved.

I have been working with this family that can't seem to communicate. Mom and dad can't talk unless they're hurling insults at eachother and every time I meet with them they spend all their time trash talking the other one - dad even does it in front of the kids!!! I feel like shaking them and saying "get over it, you have kids that deserve YOUR personal best every day" but alas, that is not in my job description.....

Needless to say its been a trying few weeks and it really makes me appreciate what a loving and considerate relationship I have with my husband. Here is to all the married couples who find a way to respect and care for one another through good times and bad, and who always remember that they got married for a lifetime, not just until it became inconvenient....

Wow...

2008-06-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

I have nothing of interest to talk about. I have been sitting here for a good five minute trying to think of something to say so that I could have a blog posting, but nope - I got nuthin'. Sad.

I will work on having a bit more drama in my life and hopefully get back to you all soon - that is if there are any of you still reading this! :)

Life is Peachy!

2008-06-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

On my drive home today I was thinking about how much harder it is to come up with blog topics these days. I guess it's hard to find things to talk about when life is so good! Work is going well, I am getting more and more comfortable as the days go on. I continue to enjoy my coworkers and think its awesome that we can go to each other to ask questions that we might feel stupid asking the more seasoned people. And then if we can't help each other out we can go to the people we're supposed to ask questions to and really know that it is a valid question. I dunno about you all, but I hate to look like I just didn't think about something.

Family life is also good. We went to a joint bridal shower for my cousin who is getting married this summer. His fiancee is a doll, I hadn't met her before this weekend but I really think she is a good match for him. He is my favorite cousin so that makes me happy. Yes, he is my favorite cousin and I just met his fiancee...and they live in West Seattle. 10 minutes away from us. I know, I know...my family is not so close. It's sad.

I guess I'm going to have to think of a new theme for my blog posts, its boring to tell you all how well life is going all the time! Maybe its time for a baby....Just playin'! Not quite yet:)

A Lazy Saturday

2008-06-07T17:21:00.001-07:00

Today Matt and I were up at 6am, as usual (well an hour to sleep in!) and had all our many errands done by noon. This afternoon I have had the most luxuriously lazy Saturday! I came home, put on my yoga pants, turned on the TV and proceeded to catch up on my favorite soap opera and watch a lifetime made for tv movie while Matt went out to watch the Belmont Stakes. I admit I fell asleep for a while, but I figure that if I fell asleep I must have needed it:)

What a wonderful way to spend a day, especially when this summer is so busy! Tomorrow we are kicking off "wedding season" with a joint bridal shower for my cousin and have a few more showers and weddings coming up soon.

So for today, I'll keep on with my lazy day!

On Being a Grown-Up

2008-05-21T17:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget that I am an adult. Seriously. I am surprised when I look in the mirror and see bags under my eyes or the beginnings of worry lines. But the reality of it is that I am a full fledged, card carrying grown-up.

Holy cow. How did this happen?

Seriously, wasn't I just 17 three days ago?

I have more education than I know what to do with, a ton of responsibilities, a dog that depends on me, and a husband (who also depends on me sometimes!). Together we have two car payments, a mortgage and real jobs that require us to show up and be productive members of society every day.

On the flip side, I don't have a curfew, I can drink, I can drive (and never the twain shall meet thankyouverymuch), I can enjoy all the perks of being an adult (wink wink), and most of all I can make my own decisons without worrying (too much) what mom and dad will think.

It's not a new concept, really, in fact I think I've even posted about this before. I am in my late 20's and should not still be surprised by all this. Especially considering I have had, and continue to have, a blessed life with amazing family and friends, but when friends of mine are having babies (congrats Jen on your beautiful baby boy!!!), it still throws me for a loop, as in we couldn't possibly be old enough to be having our own children! But there we are...having babies, paying mortgages, buying cars, and generally becoming the adults we were all meant to be:)

All in all I will take being a grown up, but it is still surprising sometimes when I go to wash my hands, look up, and don't see my youthful face anymore. I see a face that has traveled, that has had life experiences, and that has stories to tell. But the best part about that face? There are so many stories yet to tell, including babies of my own someday not too far away. And so off I go in this general state of being grown up to live those stories so that in 10 more years my face will say so much more!

Beating The Bridge!

2008-05-18T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today my wonderful husband, my awesome lil bro-in-law and I participated in the Beat The Bridge race in support of juvenile diabetes. It was a beautiful morning and really fun! They ran the 8k race and I did the 4 mile family fun walk. I didn't get to beat the bridge (the University Bridge) because the walkers took a different path but it was still fun. I used to run the race in the past but due to my health issues I haven't been as on my game lately so I didn't want to push it. However, I took "walk" liberally and actually ran the last mile (yay for that!) because I didn't want them to have to wait for me. As it turns out apparently I was hauling ass and was one of the first walkers over the finish line! That felt SO good! It averaged out to a little less than a 15 minute mile, which for walking is kinda super:) It made me realize that no matter how unpleasant things got last year and how long the road ahead of me may be physically am capable of so many things.

After the race we were all in need, and deserving, of some yummy breakfast. We decided to go to one of my favorite places: the Portage Bay Cafe. It is 100% organic and everything on the menu is stellar. Seriously never had anything there that I didn't love and the only other restaurant I can say that about is The Jones (I'm a picky eater). I had a wild salmon omelet and it rocked my world.

What more could you ask for on a gorgeous day, we supported a good cause, got a great workout (600 calories!), and had an awesome breakfast (probably 600 calories...oh well I guess it all evened out.....).

Acupuncture

2008-05-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

For all of my ailments I am well versed in all sorts of alternative medicine. Chinese, ayurvedic, naturopathic, homeopathic, you name it. My favorite is acupuncture. I love five element but have been seeing a practitioner who practices traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) acupuncture. The difference is that in 5 element they stimulate the point in a get in/get out fashion. in TCM they lightly stimulate the point and let the needle hang out for 15-20 minutes.

I am not your typical acupuncture enthusiast. Reason one is that I am terrified of needles (i.e. I need to lay down to get blood drawn and I usually end up crying anyway) but for some reason the acupuncture needles don't really bother me. Sure I feel it, but the needles are so teeny tiny that I only feel it on the points where I have issues (i.e. my liver points have been hurting since I have been taking so many medications). I literally went to acupuncture as a last resort a couple of years ago when I didn't know what was wrong with me but I knew something was off. Low and behold all it took was a few points and all of a sudden the world came into focus a little bit clearer. It took a very gifted practitioner to pinpoint (no pun intended) what was blocked, but she did and I have never looked back!

I have been a devoted acupuncture-goer ever since. My first practitioner moved (boo) but after a few missteps I finally found a new one that I not only trust with my health but who I consider a friend as well! Its great to get the emotional and physical feel good benefits from getting acupuncture from a kind friend.

I went to acupuncture last night for the first time in almost two months and man alive it reinvigorated me! I have been feeling pretty good these days (thank you meds and positive mindset) but pretty fatigued. One hour of needles and I feel almost right as rain again.

To conclude, Western medicine may necessary however Eastern medicine is vital, and needles can make you feel good contrary to popular belief:)

I have them all fooled!

2008-05-08T19:50:00.000-07:00

So I've been back from training for my new job for a week and a half and already the rumor in my class is that I am "good at this"....one guy even asked me if he could come ask me questions since I seemed to have such a good grasp of the job - I literally laughed and asked who had told him that I knew anything? I quickly let him know that he had been the victim of seriously false information and had to explain the "game face" to him - always look like you know what you are talking about even if you are as lost as everyone else! Clearly I have them all fooled *insert devilish laugh* :)

Now if only I could get my boss to hear and that rumor before he starts looking over my work I'd be home free....:)

Who's Here?

2008-05-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

My ticker noted that my blog has had over 1000 hits which got me wondering just who exactly is reading this? Are there more than the few people I know read it, or are the people I know just checking in often? I guess I'll never know:) But for those that do read it, I hope you get some enjoyment out of my random musings on life (and I do realize just how random some of my posts are...what can I say, I just type what comes out at the moment!)

These are a few of my favorite things:

2008-05-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

I was having a moment a few weeks ago when I was so frustrated with someone and just wanted to scream "YOU DON'T KNOW ME, DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY FAVORITE (fill in the blank)?????" That got me thinking that its been a while since I had considered my favorite things so I thought I'd make a list and post it for your viewing pleasure! Who knows, you might even learn something about me:)

In no particular order:

1. Music: My musical tastes are wide and varied from Madonna to Justin Timberlake to Sting to John Mayer but when all else fails Dave Matthews can always make me feel good.

2. Movies: I adore Pride and Prejudice. Whenever I feel low or feel like love isn't what I thought it was in my life I would put in that movie (yes the 6 part miniseries) and it would remind me that in the mind of one person centuries ago that kind of love did exist. I also love what I call the down and dirty version with Kiera Knightly, it gets me a quick fix;)

3. Past times: I need downtime in my life. I definitely do not thrive when I am scheduled for days on end. But when I am in the mood to get out and enjoy the world at large I enjoy going to see movies, getting into the wilderness, shopping, and dinners out. I don't love going to bars but I can easily spend three hours over dinner with my husband or with friends.

4. Colors: I love green. Why, you ask? Because it looks good on me...I'm not lying, I am that self centered:) But I also love blue. They are calming colors and I love to be soothed by things around me. I painted our living room a grey-blue and love it!

5. Country: I lived in Ireland for a year in college and it has stayed with me ever since. I'd move there in a heartbeat if my husband would agree to it:) But I do admit that I'd miss my family and friends so for now I'll list it as my #1 favorite place to visit and hope to get back there again soon. Jamaica is a close second but only because of the wonderful honeymoon memories:)

6. Food: If I'm going out to eat I adore Thai food, pretty much any dish. If I'm cooking I have a few items that show up consistently in my repertoire: Salad with kalamata olives, artichoke hearts, Greek chicken, tomatoes and avocado with homemade balsamic vinaigrette; stuffed red peppers; homemade spaghetti sauce; soy glazed salmon; honey-lime pork chops; and chicken satay. In fact we are eating chicken satay for dinner tonight:)

7. Clothes: I am pretty traditional and often shop at the Gap family, Old Navy, Gap and Banana Republic. I guess you could call me preppy though I avoid polo shirts and khakis like the plague. I aspire to be trendy but it never works out....

8. TV: My favorites are Grey's Anatomy, LOST, Ugly Betty, and ANTM. Those are the only ones I try to either watch or DVR every week...and I DVR and watch a soap opera regularly...I know - don't judge, its a hard habit to break because its always "about to get really good" :) (Oh I guess I can say which one, General Hospital - I've watched it since high school).

9. Books: I stopped reading for a long time because of school - it really kills the desire to read literature but now that I am a year out of school I have rediscovered the love of reading (hence starting the book club). I love Anita Shrieve, Amy Tan, and my favorite book is Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote.

10. Alcoholic Beverages: I don't drink much, and haven't really since college, but in the last year I've gotten really into wine. I actually started drinking red wine and found that its actually good if you get the right bottle! I love O'Reilly's Pino Noir out of Oregon and A to Z Pino Gris also out of Oregon. I also make a mean Mojito, in fact I've never had one at a restaurant that was better than mine...true story.

There are 10 categories, which I feel like is more than anyone actually wanted to know anyway. So there it is, a primer on what I like!!

Its Bombtastic!

2008-05-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

I have an amazing group of friends. I'm not referring to all the amazing individual friends I have (you guys rock too) but rather to one specific group of women who are so very dear to my heart: The Bombs. We met on the Internet...there, you have it. One day somewhere between two to three years ago each and every one of us stumbled onto theknot.com while we were planning our weddings and found our way to each other. I'm sure none of us expected to get anything more than helpful support from other brides-to-be about things such as colors, flowers, and dresses but with my 2 year anniversary coming up and 7 other weddings since then the 8 of us have come to be so much more than "brides" to each other. And for that I am grateful. In fact I'm so grateful I will tell you why I love each and every one of them:

1. MoHo: Not only are you the wife of my husbands good friend, you have become one of my good friends. Without you I wouldn't have had the motivation to visit the Seattle board even after I was already married. You are kind, generous, and own a damn good restaurant (The Jones for those of you that don't know...and if you don't know, go - you can thank me later). I know that whenever we come in to see you I will get a huge hug, some amazing food, and great conversation! Oh, and you rock at karaoke. You ARE the next American Idol, if you ask me. Well you or Fu. Or both...yeah, both.

2. Lizzle: You and I share a common bond in both our Irish heritage and our experiences in the hell they call law school. You felt me when I wanted to rip my hair out during Admin, you appreciated all the work I put into making my wedding more Irish, and you listened when I didn't know what the hell to do with my life. I love that you tell it like it is and that I know if I want the honest truth you will give it to me. Oh and you are so freaking smart, you will pass the bar this summer, PS, by the way:)

3. Hussy: Ever since our first experience at that GTG way back when I knew that we'd be friends. That and that you are freaking amazing with all your motivation. If I had even an ounce of the motivation you had I might actually get somewhere with my aspirations!

4. Fu: Oh man are you a hoot and a half! I know that no matter what if you are along for the ride its going to be a good time. You have an amazing attitude about thing and I am so impressed with how hard you are working to become Dr. Fu. You are a beautiful person inside and out. And you love cupcakes, which I think is pretty awesome. And you are the next American Idol with MoHo.

5. Cheesy: Your laugh is infectious....fo shizzle. And you can rock the mic to Regulators like no other bomb on the planet! It doesn't matter where we are, you can find something to laugh about. But above and beyond that you are an amazing person who works so hard but still finds time in your day for us. I love it.

6. Mica: One word: gorgeous. Well, actually maybe another word too: shoes. I have never seen you when I didn't think "hot damn I love those shoes." I guess it makes sense given what you do, but to say you are stylish is an understatement. And you host the best parties e.v.e.r. Wii, Wine and Wigs, need I go on? And I think its a testament to how awesome you are that we are all, ahem, so comfortable at your house. Its my house.

And last but not least:

7. Tami: Holy cow you rock. I can think of so many other nicknames for you, trucker Tami and Martha are the top of my list. You are the ultimate hostess and will go so far out of your way for your friends that it is unreal. I am in awe of what an amazing mother you will be (so soon!!!) and I aspire to be as good of a friend to you as you have been to all of us.

All I can say is me love you long time, ladies; and here is to years and years of bombing good times!

My only wish for the future? That I had more pictures of all of us.....must put that on my to do list!

Home Again, Home Again...

2008-04-27T14:19:00.000-07:00

Phew, I am glad to be home! I flew in on Friday and it has been a busy weekend so far including a ton of laundry, grocery shopping (which of course didn't get done once while I was gone;)), and fun times with my husband!

I should go away more often because I tell ya I have been more pampered in the last two days than I had been in the entire four years we've known each other! The house was cleaned spotless when I walked in so I could just relax on Friday night which was awesome. Then we had a fun day of shopping and doing a drive by of my new offices (I use the term office loosely considering it looks more like a prison, but that is neither here nor there...). In the evening we went out to a nice dinner at The Jones (PS best restaurant e.v.e.r!) and had a nice bottle of wine, then came home and I got the best foot rub in the whole world. Seriously, I had no idea all it took to get some TLC was to go away for three weeks! We're acting like we just fell in love again:) Is nice...:)

Now I am ready to get back in the swing of things....I start my 30 mile each way commute on Wednesday so I am hoping I look at the time in the car as time for quiet time and reflection as opposed to a sucky way to spend 2 hours of my day every day. Ah, the power of positive thinking!

Working and Playing

2008-04-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

You know how excited I was to spend three weeks with my new fun coworkers? Three weeks is over and my gawd I am ready to get away from almost all of them. Let me run down the cast of characters for you:

1. The Know It All: He literally knows everything about everything in life....ever...that has happened or will happen. He claims to be an authority on human behavior. In addition he has tried to tell me "who I am" at least four times. So far, he's nowhere close.

2. The Flirt: This guy (married) must have hit on every woman in this room. Did I mention he is married? His behavior screams midlife crisis...the question is why is he working the room of people he is going to be seeing on a professional basis for the foreseeable future? I have to admit, though, he is very charming.

3. The Rocker: This guy sits in his chair and rocks and stares all day long. He is creepy. And may be a sex offender, we're not sure.

4. The Worry-wart: This woman freaks out about EVERYTHING. She is convinced that she has missed all salient points and must have you repeat everything to make sure she understands...either she is really slow or she just overreacts to everything. I vote the latter.

5. The Other Know It All: This guy thinks he knows everything about the organization and loves to hear himself talk. He talks all the time. Sometimes just to himself. Its so bad that everyone is talking about how much this guy talks. And he likes to pretend he is the authority...if so, why isn't he running things?

6. The Jokester: This guy has the whole, "if I don't make them laugh I will cry" schtick down. He is not funny. I actually want to cry if I have to hear him any more.

7. The Guy Who Likes to Drink: This guy must be at the bar no less than 5 minutes after every class and must spend at least 7 hours there every night. Ay yi yi.

They are all really awesome people, but I still miss my people. Friends, I come home tomorrow. I may need to drink heavily until then to make it through.

Living the Live I Imagined

2008-04-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours"

I believe that those words have been fundamental in my development over the last few months. I have experienced physical and emotional highs and lows and have come to the place where I appreciate my life and understand that the challenges in front of me are meant to make me stronger rather than to weaken me. I do endeavour to live the life I imagined, and it appears as though I might just make that happen. I expect that given the effort to live such a life that I will meet with success I had not yet allowed myself to expect!

Well that was a long winded way of saying that I'm doing well these days. My disease is under control, my work life is fulfilling, I find joy in my family, and I have some of the most amazing friends who are supportive and can always make me laugh. What else could a girl ask for?

Almost Home

2008-04-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

I realized that if I continue to ignore my blog while I'm here I will lose all three of you that read it!

Things are going well...three weeks is a long time to be away from home but I am enjoying it. It has turned into college in so many ways - people have formed cliques, everyone has crushes on everyone else but won't tell them but has no problem telling all their friends about said crush, and since we're all in the same hotel its like living in the dorms. I have started going to happy hour every day mostly because after 8 hours of medical terminology I am driven to drink:) My friend Colleen and I have found our favorite bars and are actually getting to be pretty well known:) How sad for the bartenders when we just stop coming around! We tend to hang out just the two of us most often, however, I still like most of the people I work with which is good after three weeks of being with them, and only them.

I spent last weekend in NYC with my dear friend Gina. I have been to NY before so I didn't need to do anything touristy so we were at our leisure to just enjoy each other's company. We found an obliging rock in Central Park and proceeded to people watch for two hours - it was awesome! We had dinner and went out for drinks in midtown Manhattan which was really fun. I had a drink called a Geisha Mojito which is like a regular mojito with green tea. It was yummy!!! I make a mean mojito so I will have to try throwing a bit of green tea when I make my next batch.

I will be sad to leave Baltimore, I have actually really enjoyed the city, but I do admit I want to be home with my husband and my dog. As I said in the last post, this has been an incredible journey for me emotionally and a good chance for me to grow up a little bit more. Anyone who's gotten married at a young age will understand that sometimes growing up is hard to accomplish when you are trying to be a part of a team, but that growing up is necessary. You can't get married at 25 and not continue to develop it just isn't healthy!! My #1 goal is always my partnership with my husband but these three weeks have been incredibly healing and restorative for me as well as a reaffirmation that the only place I want to be is beside my amazing husband. Now I can do that a little more grown up than I was when I left......this was pretty much a verbal dump of what I've been feeling the last few weeks but I hope it makes sense to someone!

Blogging from Baltimore

2008-04-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

Well folks, its been a full week in Baltimore and its been a fun and interesting time so far. I have seen the city, seen Matt's family, had Matt come for a weekend visit and I think I've actually learned a lot about myself in the process. This journey is by no means concluded but I am very much appreciating where I am in my life and those who support me who I love very much.

Leavin on a Jet Plane

2008-04-06T13:51:00.000-07:00

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standin here outside your door...
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'cause I'm leavin on a jet plane....

That's right folks, tomorrow is the day I wing my way back east for three weeks. I am part excited, part nervous and part a little sad to leave Matt for that long. But he is coming out on Thursday and staying through Sunday so I won't have to miss him for long before I see him again. And its not like I'll be lonely - my coworkers will make sure I have a good time:)

Wish me a safe flight, a ton of fun, and that I learn everything I need to learn!!!

Another week at work

2008-04-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

I have had an amazing and unusual experience in the last two weeks....I actually have friends at work! It has been a really long time since I really enjoyed the people I worked with and for whatever reason the mix of people at my new job is a pretty awesome fit. I have made pretty good friends with a girl close to my age and its nice to have a safe person to chat with, to have lunch with, and to gossip about everyone else with. We also have formed a bit of a posse with a few of our other co-workers and plain and simple we have fun together! I forgot what it was like to be really excited to get up and go to work....ah, what a nice feeling.

On another level, work itself is becoming what I imagined it would be. This week we have done more training that directly applies to our job including learning terminology, processes and even getting our hands on case files to review. I have been really enjoying the process which bodes well for enjoying the job.

On Monday I will leave for the east coast for three weeks of training. Given the preceding two paragraphs one can only imagine that I am actually stoked to be going. Matt is coming for 4 days the first weekend and the second weekend a coworker and I are going to NYC to see my best friend that I haven't seen in about 4 years! Its nice to have plans for both weekends we are there because as long as I'm occupied both weekends I am sure to avoid one of the most dangerous pitfalls of traveling with co-workers: long dinners followed by a "nightcap" at a local bar....as fun as they all are I still contend that drinking with people you work with can lead to nothing that anyone will want anyone else to remember in the morning:):)

So the report is all positive today! Yay for co-workers I actually look forward to hanging out with and yay for work that I enjoy doing! Whoda thunkit that I'd find a job that is this good of a fit?

Anyone who is thinking of leaving their job because you are unhappy - take this as an example of the reality that there are good and bad fits for everyone and how sweet it is when you find a good fit (ahem, Sassy, this is for you.)

I Gotta Say It Was A Good Day

2008-03-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

Today was much more interesting than I thought it was going to be. Matt asked me if I would go look at cars today as we do need a new one. I did NOT want to buy a car today. So what did we do? You guessed it, we bought a new car. I am super excited! We got an '08 Prius that is basically fully loaded but only has 5K miles on it. Considering all that we got a super good deal! It took all freakin day but we are both really excited about our new toy! And this way Matt gets a whole month with it before I need to start driving down to Auburn so I won't take away his new baby right away. I feel sad for my other car (that I love) that has now been kicked out of the garage...I guess its a good thing cars don't have feelings:)

We decided to go out for dinner after all was said and done and as soon as we got in the car the Ice Cube song Today Was a Good Day was playing - Matt and I looked at each other and laughed because today was a good day:)

I am almost 30....

2008-03-29T16:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, not really, but as 28 approaches I realized that I am much closer to 30 than I am to my early 20's. It is interesting to think of how my life has changed in the last 10 years. I wonder why the 20's seem to go by so fast when there is so much fundamental development that occurs. I wish that there was some way to pause time to reflect on all the things as they happen but the best I can do is take a minute right now and think of all the amazing things that I have accomplished. Its been a wild ride! Somehow I think my 30's will be just a bit more calm - with the exception of adding to our family, that will be a wild ride in and of itself!

Car Shopping

2008-03-29T16:09:00.000-07:00

Matt always has an interest in car shopping but now that we need a new car (because of my new commute) he is fully entrenched in the process. We have been leaning towards getting a Prius both for the lower gas mileage as well as making an effort to reduce our carbon footprint - good Northwesterners that we are! Today he went to a Toyota dealer and actually was talked OUT of buying a Prius...the sales guy actually tried to convince him that he was ridiculous for wanting to buy a Prius. Anyone else surprised by that? I was. Anyway now Matt is researching Corollas like mad trying to find the perfect car and in heaven because he has a project. Boys are so silly:)

Thoughts on Work

2008-03-28T17:08:00.000-07:00

Things have been going well the last two weeks so I thought you would like an update....and even if you don't that is what you are getting:)

Where work is concerned, things are going well. I enjoy having a purpose (i.e. not sitting all day in my yoga pants watching tv...) and I am enjoying the people I work with very much. There are several people around my age group who have made for easy companions during our down time (more about that later). After two weeks of waiting, I found out today that I will be stationed in Auburn. Out of 22 other people who are in my same position, 6 got to stay in Seattle and it was entirely based on commute distances. It came down to a mile between one guy and me. I just happen to live a mile closer to the city than he does so he got Seattle and I am going down to Auburn. I could be really upset, but I know that I am being sent to the right place, how do I know? Faith, my friends. I knew from the get go that the "universe" would put me in the right place for me - I'll let you know if that theory pans out after I get started!

For now here is how I feel about Auburn:
Positives: a few of the people I have gotten to know and be friends with during training are going there too which is an automatic support system, there is free parking, a gym and childcare facility on campus, its 5 minutes from the Supermall, its a reverse commute so hopefully I will rarely encounter heavy traffic, it is currently staffed with many trainees so the pace of work down there is slower to allow us to get fully trained, the office was opened for a specific purpose, as opposed to just another regional office, and although the mission hasn't been handed down yet I am excited to find out what we'll be doing because of the few options I've heard it could be I am going to really enjoy either one.
Minuses: It is roughly a 45 minute commute (currently I only work 7 minutes from home and Matt and I carpool), I have to drive because good ole' Joe Metro would take like two hours to get there and I cannot stomach 4 hours of my day commuting, Since I will be driving we have to get a second car and I will have to give my SUV that I ADORE to Matt cause its higher gas mileage and his company pays for his gas, I won't be going to my gym and I love the people I see there every day, I won't be working close to Matt so no more impromptu lunches, and (also a negative) its 5 minutes from the Supermall (try saving money when you work across the street from the Banana Republic outlet...c'mon...)
Basically the gist is that I will have to get used to a new way of life. So back to the positives: I get a kick in the pants and a chance to really start fresh! That one positive so far outweighs any negatives. I am excited!

On to the day to day - We have reached a stalemate in our prerequisite training, however, and all 35 of us have been sitting in an auditorium for the last 7 work days chatting all day long because there is nothing for us to do....this is frustrating, believe me. Be careful what you wish for as my biggest wish was to ease back into work and this is the essence of that wish. It is nice on one hand, although it will be quite the shock to the system when they actually expect us to work! :) I kid, I look forward to the challenges and rewards of doing this job.

Life is good, it has changed so much in the last few months. Since I want to be someone that puts positive energy into the universe no matter how many challenges are put in my path I have an interesting take on all the events of late. The new job with the transfer to Auburn and my recent Crohn's diagnosis are my chance to really take a look at my life and focus on what is important. How many of us get that opportunity? I'm a lucky girl!

Houston, We Have a Diagnosis...

2008-03-26T17:30:00.000-07:00

After a series of diagnostic tests I have been given a diagnosis for all the troubles I've been having over the last six months. I have Crohn's Disease. To explain what it is would be unpleasant for my dear readers, but lets just say it makes my life much more difficult... There is no cure but there has been some great successes with traditional and alternative therapies that can put the disease into remission so I am hopeful. The biggest downside? I have to give myself shots every two weeks....ICK! :) I guess its time to get over my fear of needles!

Wish me luck! I am going to live an amazing and healthy life, no matter what!

New Job

2008-03-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

I started my new job this week. So far so good! It is a 6 week basic training process so there is a huge learning curve ahead of me. I even have to travel across the country for three weeks! It will suck being away from Matt for that long. But he might come visit me for a long weekend in the middle which would be really nice!

I haven't actually gotten a sense of what the job will be like. There are 30 or so new hires this week and 9 next week so while HR gets all our paperwork done and gets us access to the computer systems we are being whored out to the different departments to do office bitch stuff. I actually don't mind! It is the perfect way to ease back into work:) Next week we will actually start training and then two weeks here then off to the east coast for three weeks. So by May I should actually start doing the work......they are thorough!!

I feel so good about what I'm doing, like I am really going to be able to make a difference in the world. Dare I say it? I may have found a good place to work! Yay!

The Piano

2008-03-11T14:38:00.000-07:00

I had a very strange desire wash over me this morning. I want to learn how to play the piano...no really, I do. I'm not sure how a grown woman goes about learning how to play the piano but I have this feeling it would be really good for my physical and mental health. Methinks I should do some research.....

Here is how the conversation with Matt will go:

Me: Honey, I think I want to learn how to play the piano.
Matt: Really? Why do you all of a sudden want to learn how to play the piano?
Me: I think it'll be good for me.
Matt: Ok, whatever you say, honey. Do I have to buy you one?

Having My Say

2008-03-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

I feel as though I haven't had anything to say as of late. I have been having an ok time in life, enjoying my husband and trying to get through all this medical stuff with my head held high but at the end of the day I have nothing to say...Matt and I drove down to Portland for his birthday last weekend and in the entire three plus hour car ride he did the large portion of the talking. He even asked me why I was so quiet at one point and the only answer I had was that there isn't a lot of fuel for interesting conversation when one is a stay at home wife with medical issues (read I spend a lot of time just chillin' - reading, watching TV, etc.). Sure, some stay at home wives have very active and fruitful lives but I have not found a lot of vitality from not working.

This, my dear friends and the three of you who read this, is why I haven't been blogging. Mostly 'cause my blogs would consist of musings about Lost as I've been watching the last 3 and a half seasons online to get caught up, discussing my new adventure into Ayurvedic cooking that I might be starting soon (I keep reading the book and thinking about doing it but it has yet to happen), or telling you what I did or didn't clean that day.....that or my medical issues which you all should be grateful I have spared you the details of...

So hopefully next week I'll start having more to say. Till then this will have to suffice!

Starting a New Job

2008-03-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

I don't care how excited you are about a new job your first day always brings up some fear and anxiety. This is true for me too! I start my new job a week from Monday and I am definintely anxious. What is it going to be like? Who will my co-workers be? Will they like me? Will I like them? Its just like the first day of high school all over again......except that for the large part High School sucked for me.

Here is to hoping that my new job doesn't suck like going solo to a high school prom:)

Doctors

2008-03-03T19:58:00.000-08:00

I've been to too many doctors lately, of all diferent varities and some other care providers who aren't doctors but perform the same functions, kind of.... I've been to primary care physicians, rhumatologists, gastrointeroligists, naturopaths, acupuncturists, chinese medicine doctors, cranio-sacral therapists...you name it, I've been there trying to figure out what has been going on with me. And yet, still no answers, no explanations for what is causing my symptoms. But here are a few things I've learned about doctors in the last few months:

1. For the most part they genuinely want you to feel better and are sad when they can't help you
2. You can tell from two minutes into your appointment whether or not they are going to be a good fit for you.
3. Some of them even have a sense of humor:)
4. The best doctors practice what they preach (i.e. I wouldn't take a fat doctor too seriously when he was trying to tell a patient to lose weight)
5. They don't get grossed out, they don't mind seeing your who-who if it needs to be looked at, and they seriously want all the gross gory details. Some of them are even such big nerds they love hearing it:):)

Finally, I'll leave you with a little story from a very unplesant doctor's appointment last week in which my primary care doctor had to perform a minor procedure on me (it was very unexpected). She felt bad that she had to slice me open and it wasn't really her field of expertise but she knew what she was doing so she went for it. She called in one of the specialists to make sure she'd gotten everything she needed to get and when the specialsit said "great job, all done" my adorable doctor pumped her fists in the air and said "yes, awesome!" then looked at me absolutely horrified that she just did that. All I did was smile and say "nice work, doctor, thanks for getting it all on the first go!" She was so cute!!! I say be proud of yourself for doing good work when it involves taking a scalpel to a patient!

Doctors are amazing allys if you get the right fit between doctor and patient. I have a naturopath I adore, an acupuncturist I trust, and a primary care physician who I think very highly of. That is a great foundation!

Reading Lists

2008-03-02T20:11:00.001-08:00

Since becoming unemployed two months ago I spent a great deal of time watching tv. And my brain suffered. About two weeks ago I made a rule for myself, no TV, online TV, or Wii until 3pm every day. This was the best thing I decided to do because I started really reading again, reading like I was back in college (which I actually miss, believe it or not).

Here is what I've been up to in the last couple of weeks:

- Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
- Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl
- Walden and Civil Disobedience, Henry David Thoreau

Each of these books has been enlightening in different ways. Eat, Pray, Love reminded me to be fully present in the moment and not get too far ahead of or behind myself. Man's Search for Meaning was a much needed reminder that meaning can be found in the least likely of places and that no matter how hard I think my life is at least I'm not in a concentration camp! I'm just getting into Walden now and I am enjoying Thoreau's interpretation on what the important things in life are.

One of these days, I'll figure out where my place in the world is, what meaning my life has, and what the important things really are in my opinion - but for now its great to hear very intelligent people's opinion on the subject!

Long Time, No Blog

2008-03-01T18:34:00.000-08:00

It has been a very long time since I sat down to write a blog posting, sorry! I guess I was waiting until I had something interesting to say and that day hasn't come yet so what you all will get is something relatively uninteresting - a recap of my life for the last few weeks...life has changed, some for the better and some for the worse.

In the "better" column, I got a job! It is the job that I applied for when I was still at my old crappy job and the only job I applied for that I really felt a strong pull towards so needless to say I was over the moon to get an interview and even more over the moon to get the call that they wanted me too! Matt is happy too, mostly because I finally think I found something I can get passionate about and build a career out of but also because its really nice to be a two paycheck household. I start on St. Paddies day which can only mean good things for this Irish girl!

Speaking of our (s00n to be two paycheck again) household, that is another topic that is discussed widely in this family lately. The job may be located in Auburn, long story but I won't know for a little while into it whether I'll be in Seattle or Auburn, so we have been browing house listings down there and holy bajeasus you can get a nice house for not too much money in that neck of the woods. So the alternatives are (1) We buy a house we can afford in the Seattle area, I have a long (but reverse) commute, we deal with having bought a fixer upper (as it would inevitably be), but we're closer to the city; or (2) Matt has an ungodly long commute (along with every other Schmoe driving from the south end to Seattle every day) but we have a nice clean, newer house that we can grow into. Truth be told, neither of us WANTS to move to Auburn but when you look at how much house you can get for the money its really no contest. I hope we're into a house by the end of the year. I really just want more than one bathroom. Silly, but a very real desire on my part.

On to babies. No, we're not pregnant. But we did go see Juno today and the baby fever that's been burning underneath Matt's skin for about six months boiled over:) I never expected such a silly, fun, heartwarming movie about teen pregnancy and adoption would make him want kids sooner rather than later but there you have it. We have been talking babies for a while but this kind of put it on the table for something we might do as soon as this time next year (get PG that is). Yay! I know I want more newlywed time for us, but its really fun to think about expanding our little family.

Finally, in the "worse" column we have my ever fluctuating health. Boy howdy (yes I did just say that) my body has been putting me through the ringer these days. I was feeling great up until three weeks ago and then the "symptoms" started coming back. They're not fun. At all. I swear I used to be a very healthy person! When I met Matt 4 years ago I was at a really healthy weight (40 pounds ago, eesh) I felt great, had a ton of energy and just was healthy as a healthy 23 year old should be. Today my body has decided to revolt in every way possible but mostly centralized to my digestive system. I wish I had the answer to my problems but instead I am continuously on the journey to discover how I can make my inner me as healthy as can be and hopefully my body will follow suit. I have an appointment with a GI specialist on Tuesday, but in reality I know my body can heal itself given time.

So there you have it in a nutshell, job (yay!), body (boo:(), plans for the future (YAY!) and a general good feeling about my place in the universe (um, hello, when was the last time I felt that way? I must be on the right track...).

Meditation

2008-02-19T20:26:00.000-08:00

I want to start meditating, I think it will be beneficial for my body and my mind. My main focus is on getting my body healthy trying to get the diseased or unwell parts back in balance. Today I decided to give it a go and let me tell you, it is hard. Really hard. I have a difficult time getting my mind to be quiet without falling asleep, which I would imagine is a common problem. So for the first part of my meditation today I kept trying to direct my mind on what to pray/think about, then I started telling myself to shut up and getting frustrated with myself so when I finally let go and got my active mind quiet I fell asleep....go figure:) I guess everyone has got to start somewhere!

Today, I Cleaned

2008-02-18T19:07:00.000-08:00

I have been whining and moaning about how dirty my house is for weeks now (neveryoumind that I am unemployed and home all day and could have cleaned at any time...) Today, I cleaned! I started in one corner and went all the way to the other with two major projects in the middle. (minus the bathroom, I hate cleaning the bathroom - I'll get to that tomorrow...) I feel amazing after all that hard work:)

The first project was done much to the chagrin of my wonderful husband, he is a product of his generation and he thinks that CD's should stay in their jewel cases...in a rack....that sits in the living room and only serves to collect dust. Six months or so ago I got him to get rid of two out of three of the CD racks and had a CD book all ready to go for the other rack, he asked that I wait for the third and I did....until today! I took that CD rack, cleaned it out and got it out of the house!! He wasn't too happy with it, but after he took a minute to see how much more clean the corner looked without that bulky rack, we were on the same page:) I also got rid of all our VHS tapes and put pictures up on that shelf of the book shelf!

The second project was cleaning our desk area. The desk is in our (very large) bedroom and serves to house a bunch of crap normally. To the side of the desk is another crap collecter where the crap that is on the desk falls and no one picks itup. I lay awake at night thinking about these crap recepticles. I tackled this project today and man does it feel good! It also is a little ridiculous how easy it was and instead of just doing it, I let it bug me for months...lesson learned!

So, today was a day of major accomplishments. In some ways I feel like cleaning my house is a metaphor for the work I'm doing internally - I'm cleaning out the clutter and trying to get to the heart of who I am. Get rid of the crap, the dated CD cases, the dust and dirt and maybe underneath it all will be a person that I recognize, or at least one I want to get to know!

In Memory

2008-02-15T19:50:00.000-08:00

One year ago today I lost my brother in law, Scott Maxwell Green. He was an amazing man, a wonderful father, and the best brother I could have asked for. I wish I had gotten more of a chance to spend time with him during his life but he was a dedicated member of our Air Force and he and my sister lived away from us the entirety of thier marriage. I remember that he always treated me like his sister: he was protective of me, tormented me, and loved me - the feeling was mutual. He had an infectious laugh that I can still hear in my head and a heart the size of Texas. I feel so sad every day that my wonderful niece and nephew were robbed of the chance to grow up knowing what a special person their father was. Keep my sister and the kids in your prayers today that they always know they are loved.

Job Hunt Update

2008-02-14T21:39:00.000-08:00

So I think I've applied for close to 20 jobs....and I haven't heard back from any of them. That has to be a record!!!!

Reasons to Love Marriage

2008-02-14T17:18:00.000-08:00

If you didn't notice by now, I love top 10 lists! I could do one for almost every topic:) Given that today is Valentines Day I thought I'd do my top 10 reasons for loving marriage, especially marriage to my amazing husband!

10. He understands my love of ANTM as long as he can watch Jeopardy:)

9. He is more excited than I am when something good happens to me

8. We can always find something to laugh about that no one else finds funny

7. I have a captive audience for my experiments in cooking

6. I gained a sweet dog in the deal!

5. I have someone who makes waking up in the morning special just because I know he'll be there next to me

4. I'm part of a team and together we can accomplish amazing things

3. When I think about my future he is the only constant I need

2. He holds my hand when I'm scared or sick (which is a lot these days)

1. I get to spend every day with my best friend who I adore

Aw, I really do love this guy!! I was talking to a new friend today that just got engaged a month ago and I was telling her how there is an almost imperceptible shift in one's psyche after you get married. I had a hard time explaining it but if you've ever been married I think you know what I mean. All of a sudden you aren't alone and I don't mean in the physical sense, I mean spiritually. You are connected on such a deep level with this other person that your life gets "bigger" in a sense. Sure, there are things about marriage that are really hard and some changes that I've had to make in the last year and a half that weren't easy but I am a better person for having a relationship with such a good man and I know he feels the same way about me, so what more could I ask for on this day for love?

Time to take a break?

2008-02-12T10:51:00.000-08:00

There are two things I am hyperfocused on right now (1) finding a job I love and (2) earning some money to be a productive member of my household. If only I could combine the two....But the reality of needing/wanting to make money has gotten me thinking outside the box which ultimately may lead me to a job I love.

Today I was doing some thinking about how I would explain to a potential employer why I left the legal field if I take a break now and should decide to enter back into it in a year or so. My biggest fear is that employers will see it as weakness or lack of commitment when I actually see it as a pretty courageous decision. Sure, I could take a job in a private firm and most likely hate my job again, but what good would that do me in the long run? What if instead I decided to find a job as a part time nanny and try to write a book? Or what if I get a job in an entirely different field to see if the grass really is greener? What if....

I have applied for all the positions I am interested in and have heard nothing back, maybe that is God telling me to start looking farther outside the box. There are a ton of ways I can make money and contribute to my household while giving myself the time and permission to figure out what makes me happy.

My Big Redneck Wedding

2008-02-10T16:54:00.001-08:00

I have to admit that Matt and I have spent a good two hours today watching My Big Redneck Wedding....this show is hysterical! Things I've learned about rednecks on their wedding day today: (1) the wedding will be in a barn, with animal heads, and quilts; (2) the groom drinks a lot of beer, you can tell if its a special occasion because he'll be drinking the good beer, y'know the budwisesr; (3) the bridal party will always be in non-traditional dress such as John Deere t-shirts, head to toe camo, or just jeans and a t-shirt; (4) it is appropriate to give your new bride a pink gun as a wedding present or to get her a stuffed animal out of the machine from the bowling alley; and (5) there is a lot of tounge kissing...a lot, and its very graphic....

These may not be valuable life lessons but it did make for an entertaining way to warm up under a blanket this afternoon after a cold breezy morning at the dog park!

Motivation

2008-02-06T17:35:00.001-08:00

Where does motivation come from? I have to admit that I have been sitting on the couch all day watching tv. Its pathetic, I know. I folded some laundry because it was just sitting there staring at me, but the rest of the house is still a disaster. I didn't even work out today. And I need to work out - its not a choice at this point!

So this day of laziness got me wondering whether it is more resorative to have a day of complete rest or to have a day of accomplishments? Would I have felt better if I cleaned the house and got some applications finished and in the mail? Honestly, I might actually feel better about myself if I'd gotten off my arse today and used my body. Which begs the question, where does motivation come from? If its not internal, is there an external source? I know what you're thinking - caffiene! But for now I think I will work on finding an internal source so that I don't spend every day on the couch watching tv and being a waste of space...

Why the 90's Rocked

2008-02-05T17:00:00.000-08:00

I have recently discovered that old school Beverly Hills 90210 is on twice a day...this makes being unemployed slightly less painful! I've gotten to catch up with all the old episodes that I remember from the very beginning of the series:)

Here is my top 10 list of why 90210 is timeless and awesome!

10. Brandon & Brenda, the wholesome twins from MN who suffer culture shock on a daily basis
9. Andrea freaking out...about whatever...usually on her high horse
8. Steve Sanders scamming someone
7. The thematic episodes, you know within the first 10 seconds what the episode will focus on, for example drunk driving, date rape, drugs, you know the usual things kids in the 90's faced in Beverly Hills!
6. David Silver, the dork who turned into a hottie - who saw that coming?
5. The fact that Donna is the ONLY character that stayed a virgin well into college...coincidence that she is the producter's daughter? I think we might be on to something.
4. Kelly Taylor's shoplifting episode....we all knew she was capable of more than fantasizing about cute boys and bitching about other girls.
3. The fact that they all slept with eachother but yet still stayed friends till the end...or at least they pretended to!
2. Dylan was so troubled, such a lost soul, and Brenda saved him...then Kelly saved him, then Valerie saved him...wait I lost track.
1. The clothes. Hands down. Need I say more than Hammer Pants? I think you know what I'm talking about!

Ooh, an episode is on right now! Yay!

Wanted: Self-Discovery Starter Kit

2008-01-31T15:39:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of placing an ad for a guide to figuring out what you want in life. Do you think anyone has a spare copy I can borrow? What, there is no such guide? Well, shoot.....I guess I'm gonna have to go it alone!

I wish it was easier to figure out which direction I wanted to go in, but I haven't been able to get any clarity on it. A headhunter called me today regarding a job posting I'd replied to - his first question was "what direction do you want to go in?" and I got nuthin...I fumbled around a little with saying I wanted to work in government or family law (which was because the posting was for a family law firm) but essentially I could not for the life of me answer the question. Am I the only one who doesn't have a clue what they want to do with their lives? (oh and the headhunter only called to tell me that he doesn't usually place attorneys with no experience so he couldn't help me...nice)

The ultimate Catch 22 - you need experience to get the job and the only way to get experience is by getting a job. Last night it occurred to me that law students have one disadvantage to any other graduate degree...we have 7 years of higher education and NO marketable skills. Nada, zip, zilch. I know how to answer questions in class, put together a killer outline, and cram for exams. What I don't know how to do is practice law. Unfortunately most of the jobs available require that tiny little detail: experience. So I will continue to look for a job - and for a guide to self-discovery, if you find it pass it on to me!

Lost Focus

2008-01-29T17:55:00.000-08:00

I think I've lost my focus for the point of this blog. Sorry! I think the self-discovery train got a bit derailed but I'm hoping to get back on track soon. The answer to "what do you want to do with your life?" is still very elusive to me, but I think I'll find my way soon if I just keep my mind and heart open. The question is whether there is anything left to salvage of my legal career...at this point I don't know enough about it as a career to just write it off. So if you know of any prosecutor or government attorney jobs, let me know!!

Wine & Wigs - The Recipe For Fun!

2008-01-26T15:52:00.000-08:00

Tonight I am going to a party that will, if nothing else, be the most entertaining party I've ever been to. The rules of play are that you are to show up wearing a wig and you must bring wine and any food you'd find at a backyard potluck. My husband and I have funny wigs, some boxed wine, tall boys of Miller High Life, Little Smokies wrapped in bacon and frito pie. Yes, frito pie. We are going to have an awesome time. I'll put some pictures up later!

Unemployment

2008-01-26T12:32:00.000-08:00

Last night I finally applied for unemployment. It was humiliating. Why, you ask? I have no idea. I get that I pay my taxes and that I am entitled to the benefit while I'm unemployed, but I've always felt that unemployment was for people who really really needed it (read: people who are always out of work or those who are trying to scam the system). Is that elitist? Maybe. But in any event I had to swollow my pride something fierce to get myself to do it because this time I am the one who needs it. I have ginormous loan payments every month that would wipe out my savings in two months. With the way the market is going right now there is no guarantee I'll have a job right away. The thing that was the hardest is having them keep track of my attempts to find a job and possibly contacting those places I'm applying to see if I really did!! How embarassing! That and they want me to be applying for three jobs a week, well excuse me but I can't make there be more jobs available than there are. I need to get over it, everyone needs help every once and a while and here is to hoping this is the only time in my life I need to be on unemployment.

Today I Feel Frustrated

2008-01-24T10:59:00.000-08:00

I knew that this process of self discovery wouldn't be all roses, but I certainly didn't expect to feel so frustrated so soon. I have the luxury of the time and freedom to make some pretty exciting decisions regarding where I want to take my life and what I want to do with my education - great, right? Well here is the rub, everything I think I might want to do requires more qualifications, better grades, and more experience than I have and everything else is either an attorney position that I'm not interested in or jobs as a legal assistant. I have applied to a few of the promising jobs anyway in the hopes that someone will see something in me (on paper) that makes them want to meet me. Keep your fingers crossed...

So I'm back at square one only now my quest is to try to figure out what to do with my time since I can't spend all day every day looking for jobs - there just aren't that many out there. I have gotten the suggestion that I should try to get published. That is an awesome idea, but I can't figure out what to write about. I have a couple of papers from law school that were good, but not publish-worthy in my opinion. And as for what I could do starting from scratch, well, that has proven fruitless thus far today.

I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I'm just feeling like all that enthusiasm of last week has been a little worn out since I have applied for all the jobs I was interested in and so far have heard either nothing back or a quick and decisive no thanks. I think I'll keep up with the writing idea. At least I'll have more to show for my time off than being really caught up with my soap opera, tons of homemade applesauce, and the minor home improvements I hope to get accomplished soon....

Busy!

2008-01-23T16:03:00.000-08:00

I have been busier this week than I was when I was employed! I've been taking really good care of myself with acupuncture and massages and have been meeting up with friends for fun lunches and dinners!

I'm still pondering the job market and have put a few applications out there but I am not rushing things. I will try to get more in the swing of job hunting next week. Until then I'm going to enjoy my time to let myself get totally well and to just enjoy life. Here is to amazing husbands who are supportive, mine is the best!

Applications and Resumes and Cover Letters, Oh My!

2008-01-18T21:51:00.000-08:00

I am filled up with hope right now. It is scary to be out of work but at the same time I now have the opportunity to look for a job that fulfills me. At the very least I want to try to find a job where I can go in every day and do good work with good people, and leave at the end of the day satisfied that I made a contribution to my team. That would be amazing. Now that I am free from the chains of my old job I can look for something that fits that bill. I am an intelligent person and I didn't need to be in a place where I felt incompetent and stupid every day. My boss said something so true today that one of her concerns was that she saw how hard this job was on my self-esteem and she didn't want to set me up to feel incompetent every day becasue that would follow me through my career. I am so grateful to her for recognizing how hard I was trying and how defeated I felt. I have so much more to offer than what I was able to do there, and I get the chance to show that to someone now!

I've been in resume land all day today and let me tell you, job hunting is not for the weak at heart! Every job posting requires tweaking the cover letter to fit that position and making sure that all required materials are in the packet. I am lucky that I have a resume and cover letter shell already done so I just have to fill in the blanks. I have three applications out and will try to get more out next week. I figure that the best way to find a good fit is to cast a wide net and try to get as many interviews as possible. The joys of interviewing, a subject for another day!

In other happy news, I met with a really good friend from law school today who I hadn't seen in a long time. She said I didn't look like someone who had just lost her job, that I looked so happy and had a sparkle in my eye. Its been a long time since someone said I look happy so that made my day!

Ah, the joy of having hope!

I'm Excited

2008-01-17T20:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, I've had a few hours to process this and I am SO excited. Yes, you heard me right, I am excited about being let go from my job. I think this is the best thing that could have happened because I have the opportunity to find a job I really care about, or at least one I care about more than that job. Its an awesome feeling to have the world as my oyster!

Changes...

2008-01-17T15:11:00.000-08:00

Well it looks like I am out of a job. I guess I wasn't the only one feeling like this was a bad fit. My boss was very nice about the whole thing but ultimately she told me it wasn't working out and that I should take this opportunity to resign before I was terminated. Shoot. That sucks. But I'm going to take the "when one door closes, another door opens" stance on it. Wish me luck finding a new job....I hope there is something better out there for me.

10 Things That Make Me Smile

2008-01-16T15:18:00.001-08:00

In an abrupt about face I'm going to have an entirely positive post with no complaining or whining about anything! Here is a top ten list of things that have made me really happy recently:

1. The sound of my niece and nephew laughing, or saying anything at all
2. Sunny days, even the cold ones
3. My husband - all the time, even when he annoys me or smells bad...I adore that man!
4. My Bombs, they are an amazing group of women and I am lucky to have them. Who else would have gotten all gussied up in thier wedding dresses with me on a frigid day in November to take fun pictures?
5. Going Shopping, even when you don't need anything and getting something just for the fun of it!
6. Homemade applesauce (yup, still on that kick!)
7. Finding out someone you love is going to be a mommy
8. Taking a walk with a good friend and taking turns getting advice about life, love and happiness
9. When my dog comes to me for comfort when he feels sick (Matt had him for 4 years before we met so its always so special when he comes to me instead of Matt)
10. Flowers. Flowers always make me smile!

I think I suck at my job...

2008-01-15T14:24:00.000-08:00

I just got an email from my boss saying we were going to have a meeting tomorrow to discuss "work follow up and related issues." In other words we get to have another conversation about how I don't do a good job. I swear if she pulls the bad attitude crap again I will not take it as lightly as I did last time. I've been all smiles for two weeks now (even when I want to scream)! I should get credit for that. Boo to meetings with bosses that never have anything positive to say!

Theme Songs

2008-01-15T08:27:00.000-08:00

Does anybody remember Ally McBeal? I do. Its what first got the idea that being a lawyer would be a cool job (silly girl, it was a TV SHOW, not an indication of real life lawyering!!!). I specifically remember the time when Ally was in therapy and she was told to get a theme song.

Its a silly idea, but really, don't we all have theme songs? That song that makes you feel like you can get through the tough times, or gets you going when you're in a happy mood; the one you put on when you want to dance or the one you put on when you want to be quiet. I know I have a ton of theme songs and some of them are for the strangest situations (don't ask...really).

Currently, and in keeping with the overlaying theme of this blog, one of mine that keeps me going when the times get tough is Superwoman by Alicia Keys off her new album. Sometimes I just need to put it on, turn it up, and sing at the top of my lungs. It makes me feel like I can get through these days where my self confidence and stamina are being tested at work. Sure, its not going to fix the underlying problem of not feeling suited to my job but it sure does make me feel good for those three minutes...

What is your theme song?

Did Inspiration Strike?

2008-01-13T09:50:00.000-08:00

I think I had an idea last night! Its just the beginning of an idea but its enough to run with. I had a title in mind for a novel and last night it kind of filled out into more of a story. Wish me luck, I think I might be on to something here!

It Doesn't Matter How Fast You're Going as Long as You're Moving in the Right Direction

2008-01-12T22:07:00.000-08:00

As I sit here watching telly before heading to bed a commercial comes on and the message I got had nothing to do with what they were trying to sell me. It doesn't matter how fast you're going as long as you're moving in the right direction. Wow. True story.

I've been struggling with how long I can keep forcing myself to fit into an environment where I don't feel comfortable at work and always come back to the same place - I'm not ready to jump ship quite yet. The reasoning is twofold: (1) I am enjoying financial stability and feel like if I gave up on the job now I'd be selling myself short, and (2) I owe it to them to give it 100% of my effort for a reasonable time, not just cut and run when it gets hard.

Having said that, I still struggle with the stress, the ridiculously high expectations of me (which are getting more and more ridiculous every day - come on people I'm human and I am going to make mistakes!), the feelings of incompetence, the impact its having on my feelings of self worth, and feeling isolated from my co-workers. Its hard to tell my subconscious and emotional self that we gotta stick it out when they are bearing the brunt of it. So I am trying to keep the focus on what I have to offer, what I can do with my talents and skills to make a difference, and what I can do to live a fulfilled life while making a living.

So, there we are, it doesn't matter how fast I get to have the life I desire as long as I am consistently making an effort to move in that direction. I can't lose focus on the bigger picture of what I want for my life by getting sucked into the stress of my current job. I may owe them my time and effort but I certainly don't owe them my self worth or my future goals.

Hold On, Its Going to be a Bumpy Ride!

2008-01-09T15:22:00.000-08:00

I just found out that the worst of all possible things is about to happen at work, I can't say what it is but it means late nights, long hours, and even *gasp* weekends! I don't know for sure when its going to start but my head might explode thinking about it. I can't even get my daily work done right, this is going to be a challenge!

That sound you hear? Its 6 attorneys losing their minds at the same time...not pretty.

That's How You're Supposed To Feel....

2008-01-08T12:31:00.000-08:00

Work has been stressful lately, as I'm sure you can gather from my posts. They say that the learning curve for this job is a year, which means for a year you come into work every day and are not competent to do your job independently, thus you often feel like an idiot.

Today is one of those days for me. I am still in training so when I come across any issue I have to run it past the attorney who is training me. She is nice, but a stickler for perfection - if there was a word that meant more than perfect she would want you to be that. Today I brought her an issue and she had to send me back to my office FIVE times to get the materials and my work product right before I could present it to her. I felt so dumb and when I expressed that to her she responds with "that's how you're supposed to feel" like I'm right on track. Um, 'scuse me, but I'm supposed to feel stupid and like I suck at my job? I guess we can go ahead and leave the warm fuzzies for another day...

Just Another Manic Monday....

2008-01-07T10:12:00.000-08:00

I wish it was Sunday, or another fun day, but its just another manic Monday ahhh ahhhh!

I really have nothing to report except that it is Monday, I am at work, and I wish I wasn't. Work is boring, where on the other hand running errands, cooking, watching Lifetime made for TV movies and even cleaning are not boring. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Mondays suck. Although if it did take a rocket scientist, I do happen to have one in the family!

On a scale of one to ten, ten being the most titilating this blog entry gets a 2. I'm just sayin'!

Homemade Applesauce

2008-01-06T17:37:00.001-08:00

When I was growing up my mom would make homemade applesauce every now and then. Until a month ago I hadn't ever tried to make it myself but when I got sick applesauce was one of the only things I could tolerate. I am now a bona fide addict of homemade applesauce! I have been making it at least once a week and eating it every morning for breakfast. YUM! It is quite certainly not less expensive than buying applesauce as it takes about 15 apples to make one pot of it (that only lasts 5 days or so), but it tastes so much better. I have a pot on the stove as we speak and it is making the house smell like a home:) I foresee fresh homemade applesauce in my future....

Just A Thought...

2008-01-06T17:32:00.000-08:00

Thinking back to my conversation with management last week, I've come to some realizations. First, do I really want to work for someone who thinks I lack a good attitude and have poor work ethic? Second, do I want to be in a position where I constantly have to prove my commitment and dedication to my colleagues? If the reality is really how she put it, then I have to wonder whether my bad attitude and my colleagues distrust of me ultimately boils down to it not being the right job or me not being the right person to do the job the way they want it to be done. If its not a good fit for them, its not going to be a good fit for me and vice versa. Just something for me to keep in mind as I try to figure out what my next step is...

Student Loans

2008-01-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

I got a couple of letters in the mail regarding my student loans yesterday. It got me thinking that I should probably go on Sallie Mae's webiste to see just how much I'll be paying in student loans every month when my grace period expires in February. When you pair that huge number with the amount I pay every month for my federal loans it becomes a ginormous number....Oy ve. Remember that little problem I was having with shopping last month? Yeah, I won't be having that problem in the near future because I'll be spending all my money paying off my massive educational debt.

The lesson learned from all this? Don't get a graduate degree unless you can (1) pay it off as you go, or (2) you actually want to do the job it's preparing you to do which will enable you to pay off your loans. 'nuff said.

Waiting For Inspiration

2008-01-03T08:26:00.000-08:00

The other dream of mine is to write. I've always dabbled in creative writing and have always enjoyed it, however it never seemed to be something I spent a lot of time and energy on past the age of 17. Lately I've been thinking about writing a novel.

The toughest part of starting any new project is, well, starting. Getting that ball rolling can feel like Sisyphus pushing that rock up the hill for all eternity - no matter how hard you push you always end up at the bottom of the hill. I keep waiting for inspiration to strike and I've gotten a couple of promising ideas only to have them not turn out to be inspiring enough to run with. Maybe my standards are too high?

So, in lieu of waiting for inspiration to strike I'm going to start a journal of ideas. Maybe one of them will stick!

A Conversation With Management

2008-01-02T14:53:00.000-08:00

Let me first say that when I started getting sick late last year I didn't make it well known, mostly for the reason that I had no idea it would get so bad - I thought it would pass. My answer to my failing health was to get out of bed every day, get to work, close my door and just do whatever I had to do to get through the day (which was hard). I didn' t have much interaction with my co-workers during that time and I was a shell of my former self. I admit I should have been honest from the get go, but hindsight is 20/20 - how was I supposed to know it would get so bad? With that said, here is the professional fall out from my illness:

My boss had mentioned that we needed to talk while I was out so I knew that "the conversation" was coming, it was just a matter of when. So on Monday afternoon when she tapped on my door and asked if I had a minute I knew this was it. I expected a begnin conversation about how I was feeling and all that, but I got a whole lot more. Some of it was really fair and some of it was unfair. I chose to take it all in stride and for that I am really proud of myself because I did not get defensive and I did not get upset which meant we could have a productive conversation and really hear each other's viewpoints.

The conversation started out with her telling me that she hoped I was feeling better and that she needed to let me know some things that had been going on since I started back full time (after the bar in August). Ok, no problem. Then she lowered the boom - according to her I have a bad attitude. What? No. Me?? (anyone who knows me would know this was ridiculous, I won most optimistic award in high school for crying in the night!) But, she was serious. She said that in the time since I came back after the bar my attitude has been noticibly less positive than it was when I was working there PT as the law clerk. First of all, no shit - someone who only comes in once a week to pick up the slack for the other attorneys is going to have a lot less to be worried about than a new lawyer trying to figure out how to do the job full time. Second of all, I started getting sick in October so from October through December my attitude reflected my physical health. I wouldn't say my attitude was bad, I was just withdrawan for obvious reasons...I'm not sure its fair to judge me based on the last three months. I told her that I was so overwhelmed when I started back after the bar with trying to figure out how to do this job that I'm sure it had an affect on my work. I promised her that with the improvements to my physical health, and more mastery of this job, I was sure she'd see an improvement in my attitutde.

The second thing she took issue with was my work ethic. That crushed me because I have always prided myself on having an exceptional work ethic (I get that from being raised by two Marines). Again, I feel like she was juding me based on the last three months when I was so sick. Unfair, yes, but it did bring home the fact that when I was getting sick I should have told her what was going on. Apparently it looked like I didn't care about my job and had no pride in my work product, which is an incorrect assessment of the situation.

As far as my actual work product goes she only had two issues to discuss with me and one of them turned out to be something I hadn't even worked on. So for all of my "bad attitude" and "poor work ethic" problems, it appears as though I am competent (to me, if not to her). At least there is that!

Finally, she said that they "took a chance on me" by hiring me straight out of law school and she didn't want my colleagues to start questioning whether that was a bad decision. It appears as though the consensus around the office is that I don't appreciate the effort they have put into training me and am ungrateful for the job...I call bullshit on that. I am always receptive to hearing their critiques of me, I say thank you every time I take their time to ask questions and I even wrote them thank you cards a few months ago for the time and effort they were putting into me. Either she misstated the situation or lawyers really are insensitive. Seriously, don't judge me based on how I was when I was sick...its not fair to me and its not fair to my reputation.

She did bring up a salient point, that my attitude did reflect the fact that I have been overwhelmed in the job and questioning whether this was the right job for me. I know that I don't belong in the legal world in a traditional sense. We had a really honest conversation about what I saw myself doing and how I really felt about my job. I told her that I didn't know where I'd be in 5 years but that for now I wanted to be here and I wanted to do a good job.

I think that because I was so open to hearing what she had to say, we were able to have a really mature and productive conversation. It hurt my feelings to hear that she felt I was doing a bad job and that the team feels disappointed in me, but ultimately I can't let it affect me. I can't change the fact that I wasn't myself when I was sick so if they choose to judge me based on that then I just have to keep doing my job to the best of my ability and letting everything else go:) You don't have to love your co-workers!!

And apparently I am incapable of writing a short post...phew. Thanks for reading!

Stop The Insanity!

2007-12-31T14:02:00.000-08:00

Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I'm a shopaholic...or apparently that has become the case in the last week or so! I am a notorious saver, so its unusual for me to spend money on myself unless its for a necessity. I am the queen of going to the mall and leaving with nothing because I couldn't find anything I thought was worth the price it was being sold for, and, you guessed it, I love a good bargain! Apparently, the part of myself that loves a good deal and enjoys saving money decided to go on holiday leaving me defenseless to the alluring nature of the retail world, and so my affair with shopping began...

I spent a good part of December on the couch unable to move or spend money which left me feeling quite flush. Once my health returned I decided it was ok to spend a little money on myself so I went to the mall, first it was a sweater, then it was a couple of books, nothing too serious. It wasn't anything to worry about, just flirtations. Then I went shopping for new sheets, and we all know how that turned out (see post below).

I thought the madness had ended with the ridiculously expensive sheets and then I got my bonus check from work which was WAY more than I thought it would be. I was good and put half of it into savings but then told myself that I could spent a tiny tiny bit on fun stuff. I needed new sweaters for work, after all. I could have sworn a week ago that I had nothing to wear but upon returning home from the mall on Saturday and trying to find space in my closet for my new clothes I realized that I was actually misinformed - I have plenty to wear. I cleaned out my closet, gave an entire bag full of clothes away and still had a very nice, healthy wardrobe. Then I folded the basket of clothes that had been in our dining room for about two months, and what do you know? I found even more clothes to wear! I told Matt that the next time I said I had nothing to wear, he was allowed to call bullshit on me and take me to our closet to show me I was wrong:)

Today is the day I decided the spending spree is over. I had gone over the edge and my flirtation with the retail world became a full blown affair. I am a light makeup wearer - a mascara and chapstick kind of a girl, so when my sister gave me a Sephora gift card for Christmas I thought it'd take me FOREVER to spend it. Unfortunately I underestimated myself. I went into Sephora today for some blush (I'm pale and its time to stop scaring little children with my freakish whiteness).. Well 30 minutes later I left with blush....and powder foundation, and lip gloss, and an eyebrow brush and two different perfumes. Holy crap! I spent the entire gift card and then some. And I say I don't wear makeup...

I think its time to take a break from the retail world. Its been nice, but I think we both knew it couldn't last...

Time With Family, Being an Auntie and a Cook!

2007-12-30T21:18:00.000-08:00

Matt and I went over to my mom's house tonight to share a belated Christmas with my sister (Jennifer), niece (Gillian, 5) and nephew (Max, 3). It is always awesome to get some quality time with the kiddos. My sister has decided to move back to California, so I'll take all I can get with them. She moved up here in March after her Husband died and hasn't really ever wanted to be here, so its not a surprise but it is still sad. I love being their aunt...I get all the perks of being loved unconditionally by two amazing kids and have the joy of loving them back with all the love I have to give, but don't have to be the heavy all the time. Its going to be hard to have them leave again, though they have lived elsewhere for as long as Gillian has been alive so I am used to it.

We started doing family dinners at my mom's house when my sister and the kids moved up here in the spring. We'd get together every Sunday evening for a casual meal. It soon became apparent that I was the new family cook. I'm not sure if it was just because I offered one time and it turned out well or if it is because the kids keep everyone else so busy that it fell on me by default...I don't have many culinary talents but the few things I know how to make, I make very well. So our dinners were predictable but tasty:) The menu would usually consist of chicken, potatoes done in garlic, lemon juice and olive oil, and a salad with homemade balsalmic vinegarette. Its nice that I have something I can contribute (other than my sparkly personality!) when we all get together. Trust me, I won't be opening a restaurant any time soon, but I like that I can make food that others enjoy....my husband is required to say he likes my cooking but for anyone that has a sister you know that she would tell me if it was gross:) So it looks like if I stick to the things I know how to cook, I can keep on making them food they'll enjoy!

New Sheets

2007-12-29T15:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, I think at this point I can throw away the idea that this blog will only be "theme" oriented, yes the majority of my posts will be about my career, etc. but sometimes I have other things to say:) Today its about sheets.

There is nothing in this world more wonderful than slipping into a soft, cozy bed. The sheets should be soft, but not satin or flannel, they should be crisp and clean and make you feel like you are sinking onto a cloud. Not too much to ask, right? Sure, if you're willing to spend $500 for items that you only use when you are unconscious....

Last week my husband informed me that there was a tiny tear in the sheet on his side of the bed. No biggie, I figured I'd head to Macy's and pick up a new flat sheet. Then he encouraged me to look at the Calvin Klein sheets I love but never can bring myself to buy. An hour later I talked myself into a beautiful (read: expensive) comforter cover. As a compromise I bought crappy inexpensive sheets. I told myself that the comforter cover would be enough luxury, and that I can deal with cheap sheets.

Well, the saying "you get what you pay for" comes to mind....I put those sheets on the bed and my inner sheet snob came out full force! No way. They were rough, scratchy and not the cloudlike experience I was hoping for. Today we were back at the mall and Matt reminded me I wanted to get other sheets for the bed. He must be a bad influence because I happened over to the Hotel Collection section and, you guessed it, walked out of there with some ridiculously expensive sheets and pillowcases....

I now sleep in a bed that cost more than most of the clothes in my closet...and we share our bed with our dog. There is no rhyme or reason to my obsession with bedding....its a sickness:)

An Idea!!

2007-12-28T10:46:00.001-08:00

I've been pondering how I'm going to become a high school government teacher without going back to school to get my masters or a teaching certificate. The main reason for not wanting to go back is because of the money...ideally I'd love to go back and really learn about teaching, sadly its a harder decision to make with $100K worth of law school debt weighing me down:)

I know that you don't have to have a masters or teaching certificate to teach at private high schools (I went to a local one) so I've been setting my sights on some of the area private schools and racking my brain for how to get in the door with no experience. Last night I was chatting with my mom about my goals and she said in passing that people hire who they know and that I should start to form relationships with the schools while I'm working on getting my act together so that they know I exist and what I want to do. I think that is a good idea, but I still didn't have any idea how I'd get classroom experience without going back to school and no matter how well known I am, I need some qualifications to teach before anyone will let me do it (and before I'd be comfortable doing it). But then, inspiration struck!

Here is what I came up with: I have a friend who teaches government at a local high school, she's asked me to come in and talk to her class a few times, which I really enjoyed. I got to thinking that I could maybe come up with a way to make it a once a month thing where I come in and give a talk about government, the law, something I know about, if she would want me to. If I can do that enough times with her, then I can shop around to the local private schools showing them what I've done in her classroom and try to start doing it once and a while at their schools (assuming their social studies teachers would agree to it...). That way I can keep my day job for the time being (which pays well, thankyouverymuch), gain experience in the classroom, and build relationships with the schools I may be applying to for employment in the future.

I have NO idea if this will work, or even if I can get it off the ground, but the possibility excites me! Who knows, I may have to bite the bullet and go back for my masters, but you'd think that my JD would at least get me in the door...I am very educated, just not in the way I need/want to be:)

I think I'll keep pondering this plan for a while and maybe talk to my friend about it...who knows, she could totally go for it!

Back At Work

2007-12-27T08:22:00.000-08:00

Today is my first day back at work after a lenghty absence due to my illness and I am so nervous! I was so sick when I decided to take time off that my recent memory of work is all negative. I keep trying to tell myself that I am feeling so much better so I don't have to worry that just because I'm in the same environment that I'll feel the same way - it isn't true! I'm also scared of getting overwhelmed. If I take it one thing at a time, I'll be ok. I had to get back to it sometime, right? It really helps that I have made some decisons about where my life is going, its not so overwhelming when I look at this is a nice stopping place on my way to what I really want to do. If I don't imagine that I have to be here for the rest of my career, its not so bad:)

Now as long as my coworkers don't hate me for being gone for so long, it'll all be peachy!

Time for a second opinion? I think yes...

2007-12-26T12:58:00.000-08:00

I know this is a blog about me following my dreams, but I need a moment to have a pity party, so indulge me.

I had a follow up with one of my doctors today and I didn't get great news. He said that for one of my problems he'd normally recommend surgery, but that if I have Chron's Disease that surgery will only make it worse. So my question was what if I do have Chron's Disease, then what. His answer was "be on meds forever." So there I am, feeling so much better than I had been in months and he is telling me I am as bad as I ever was and that my only options are a surgery that may only make me worse or drugs for the rest of my life. AHHHHHHH! How did a once very very healthy 27 year old become trapped in a body that is attacking itself? Auto-Immune diseases suck. Sorry to not be more eloquent about it, but there it is, they suck monkey balls.

Pity party over. Time to use all my positive energy to make me better.

I just need to find out how I am going to make this work, and my first step will be to get a second opinion and try and find a doctor who I can have a conversation with about this that doesn't leave me in tears becasue I'm confused and scared.